coping

Somedays I relize just how much stress I carry and wonder why I am not a lush.
But all things pass it's just how you get thru and what you come out learning

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Oh Turkey Day

Well Thanksgiving is upon us and for a change I am off this year. as of this moment I have yet to buy even one single item for the  feast. Lazy and  slightly unmotivated but that is where a nap and  1 am trip to Walmart come in. Yes at 1am I will get up and drag myself to Walmart in the hopes of getting all I need for the holiday.. Why so late or  early well I want to go alone and hope to G-d the store is not overrun with folks that time day.  I enjoy the holidays as well as the cooking the prep part not so much I guess.  well I am off to make a list  for all those who read this.... Have a Happy Thanksgiving and when you get the wishbone, make it a good one..

Stress, Talk & Tears and 40

"Stress it's a killer" Bartock from Disney's Anastasia once said. Of course so have many doctors and having felt the vice grip and ice pick headaches as well as my increased vertigo you would think I would manage my stress better. Not so much

I am the person who cared for everyone and fails to let them know when limits have been reached. I keep things inside and don't talk about what bothers me till I am about to snap or become I'll, by then I need to dig down and figure our what is wrong, to find the source as well as a release.

Tears, I have for a very long time felt that tears are a sign of weakness a crack on the peverible armor. I have despised the water that leaks from my eyes and fought to not let emotion control me. Because of this for others to see me in tears was a warning of impending doom or great concern.

You may be wondering what being 40 and tears have have to do with stress and why talking is so important

The stress in my life come from various fronts. life goes through cycles of endings and beginings, a point which at 40 I found myself and now at 43 continue to watch unfold but with different eyes and wisdom. I was exposed to a myrid of emotions that I had not encountered before, you know the ones you get when in youth sorrow from heartache, envey, jelousy and the list goes on. In my youth I was always happy for others never wanted or needed much at much at all. But when I look at my life then and now I see that my emotions were dulled. I felt but I didn't , I loved but I didn't.

it's only been on my very late 30's and 40's that I have truely begun to feel to not just discover but to create who I am and with that comes the tears of facing past choices and changing my path. I have learned that crying is not some horrible weakness but a blessing of release. Tears are a needed renewal to cleanse a long fester wound or put you on the path to acceptence or get you to a place where you can finally talk.

Talking is something I have long been able to do but never about what bothered me or how I truely feel. I have yet to master this and with some it seems an impossible task. I am able to talk to some about how I feel more freely but even with assurences it is stil a difficult task or maybe more a challenge but at least. I am working on it.

At 40 I am learning to live and love it for all that each cycle brings. I once spoke to a girlfriend in her 50's about this and said it seems I am a late bloomer. she smiled at me and said " all the times before are building blocks to get you to this point. To get you to this place with these people. I'd say your blooming is right on time". I don't see her often but I do know our paths have crossed for a reason which I hope continues to be a blessing to us both.

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East Coast Hikers

Well, Sunday I finally got to go with my hiking meetup to a beach hike. We had set plans for Back Bay and False Cape but the  stranded barge waylaid that. so off to First Landing on 64th st. Dang that was closed as well due to the stupid storm.   In the end we hiked from 64th to Fort Story and back. a haul of about 8mi I would say and boy if you have not been hiking in a while on the way back 8 miles  starts to hurt a bit.  It was a  Beaautiful day and I meet some new people. All in all it was great and hey going to  hike with them this sunday as well can't wait.  Check out the pictures 64th to Fort Story

Love where I live

Making my way to Heritage to get elderberry and rose hip syrup I strolled down to the beach. He'll it's 70 on a November day and the best delight to me was a play park on the beach and families playing in the sand, dodging the waves and enjoy the day. I mean really where else can Pat Robertson and a giant statue of the ruler of the sea Neptune coexist. I mean if Pat predicts wrong we got Neptune for back up .

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Dentist Visit

So a while back I went to the dentist. Really nice building had small room for you if you wanted to use the phone. Room for kids to play xbox or playstation while you wait and the bathroom had a nice mural. Really nice staff and doc

What blew me away was the flowers I got with a toothbrush saying welcome to the practice.

Talk about courting your customers wow.

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Daughter's First Con

The first weekend of November is the Neco Con. This year is was a bit weak but i am sure the economy had a lot to do with it. My baby girl who is into anime was excited as it was her first one so the pace was just what she needed. I type this now as she sits and watches Inuyasha on the internet. Here are some picks from her first time out... Next Con Katsucon...

Fred and Ester

If those names aren't familiar then you need to watch Sanford and Sons. Ester is Fred's sister in law and they go at every time they cross paths. That is how a friend at work describes
our relationship like Fred and Ester. He makes comments that would make the average girl cry or want to beat his ass. My response is just as corrosive. We go back and forth laugh and keep it moving.

The other day wast not so typical. I was in a truly foul mood and the guys around could tell but Fred was oblivious he made his comment and if looks could kill the guys said I would have pulled his intestines out threw his mouth. So guessing from that and the ohhh shit I heard as I turned my back it was pretty bad. Fred came to see if I was ok and realized then how far from ok I was.

A few minutes later Fred who could be described as a brutish ogre did the one thing I least expected, he came to my desk and laid a hand made card on my keyboard. Below is the outside on the inside it said smile it always makes me feel better. When I looked down I saw the card and felt the weight of anger and frustration just fall away and warmth take it's place.


That one small unexpected gesture meant a lot. I told him thank you and smiled. And just in case he ever finds this don't get a big head one kind gesture does not change a ogre to a prince.


Yeah Yeah the picks up top

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Long time no blog

Well it has been a while and I have fallen behind but o am slowly getting caught up. Started update in my Facebook so that will be done soon. Next will be here so ne patient

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First day of School

Well, today was the first day of school for my twins. I was excited for them and happy for myself. It may seem selfish but for me it's the last of my brood to go to school an at 40 it's a relief. They where exited till it was time to get on the bus one jumped on with a kiss if that. The other was good till he reached the door of the bus.

He teared up till some one said his friends where on the bus. He was fine after that.

Then of course my daughter begins her first day of middle school. She was glad some where going to her schools and others are not.


Afternoon report all is good 2weeks into school. Well almost two....

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Night before the Journey

Well its 4am and I am up. Sadly I have been up for about 2 hours now due to excitement and not wanting to leave anything we may truly need behind. lesson learned already plan better for packing night better yet do ahead by about 3 days to a week. if you follow me on twitter I will be sending out pics of the hike... guess I will make our lunches being that I am up.... Geez

Coming of age Old and Young

I have been planing for the past month for a hiking/camping trip with my daughter. We have been hiking the trails around here on a weekly basis almost. but school is about to start and my schedule never seems to allow for a weekend day off so this will be out summer mommy daughter blow out.

For her is will be the start of many big adventures as she steps off into middle school, but for me it will be a far larger step. I wrote a post/essay on my Out of Print blog about the the ghost of the past comming to visit on our Dismal Swamp hike. This hike will be my first step on a path that I choose just before I turn 41. I am excited and scared to death all at once. I have never left the confines and comforts of my life to venture out and discover self and pleasure as I am now. It's as scary as going into puberty is for my daughter, but some how you know it's gonna be one hell of a ride.

Comming of Age Old and Young

I have been planing for the past month for a hiking/camping trip with my daughter. We have been hiking the trails around here on a weekly basis almost. but school is about to start and my schedule never seems to allow for a weekend day off so this will be out summer mommy daughter blow out.

For her is will be the start of many big adventures as she steps off into middle school, but for me it will be a far larger step. I wrote a post/essay on my Out of Print blog about the the ghost of the past comming to visit on our Dismal Swamp hike. This hike will be my first step on a path that I choose just before I turn 41. I am excited and scared to death all at once. I have never left the confines and comforts of my life to venture out and discover self and pleasure as I am now. It's as scary as going into puberty is for my daughter, but some how you know it's gonna be one hell of a ride.

Emotions

Emotions are a horrible thing when you loose control of them. Even more so when all you have ever done was control them. Then the question becomes how do you rain them in an do you even want to.... Once a month I can assurre you being a girl sucks ass. Hormones suck

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Senior Fox

We went to Senior Fox for dinner the other might and we rolled back to the house. We came in sat down and the waiter was there to get drinks. Then the nachoes came we ordered and in min we had our food. I was completley impressed.

The food was excellent and the service even better. Our drink glasses never went under two to three inches below the top of the glass. And the checked on us often to see if we needed anything. To some the constent checking may be to much but concept of service is never in question here.

Below is our food

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True Blood

Ok , just a quick note to admit I am now a offical fanbanger. After several people telling me I look like or remind them in someway of Tara I finally watch episode 1 and in 3 days the whole first season and the current ones. So now every Monday we do our recap at work and speculate on what happens next. Yeah I'm a late bloomer but I catch on quick.

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True Blood

Ok , just a quick note to admit I am now a offical fanbanger. After several people telling me I look like or remind them in someway of Tara I finally watch episode 1 and in 3 days the whole first season and the current ones. So now every Monday we do our recap at work and speculate on what happens next. Yeah I'm a late bloomer but I catch on quick.

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My Bucket List

I got this idea from reading over a blog I often vist and the movie The Bucket list. This will grow over time and hopefuly I will be able to do them.. If it is in Bold then I have done the deed..

1. Make a Zen garden in yard
2. skydive
3. ride in hot air balloon
   
4. deep sea fishing
5. go to Nascar race
6. go to dragon con
7. be child free by 55
8. complete family herbalist program
9. become Clinical Master Herbalsit
10. Hike Nortwest park
11. Hike Dismal Swamp
12. 
    
13. 
    

The Great Dismal Swamp

This weeks trip was to The Great Dismal Swamp. Not much to say about the hike outside of the fact that it's a straight 4.5 mile hike on the Washington ditch trail with little shade and lots of bugs. Bugs that on the way down off work but on the way back your body odor is strong enough to cause them to chance it and attack in waves. Best time is when it not summer so the sun and bugs don't eat you alive.

The lake is a beautiful place to eat lunch but to me it did not balance the walk but other things did. My daughter said she liked the hike at northwest better but the view and eating on the lake she liked. Two travelers two opinions But hey it's not a adventure if you always follow what folk say just be fore warned.

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Sandbridge Beach

This post is long over due but sitting in traffic or the parking lot as 64 is known what better time. Several weeks ago we took the kids to sandbridge beach. We live 20 min to va beach but as locals we don't want the crowds or the gagle of shops that can get expensive with 5 kids.

Sandbridge. Is about 10 min from back bay and 1first beach it has been two years from the last beach visit so this was long overdue. This was the first tome the twins had gone to the beach . Ok so it's been 5 years. It was funny to watch there reaction to the sand and the ocean. It took time and coaxing to get them into the water but once in that's all she wrote. That was until a big wave knocked them down about ten min apart. Then it was tome to go but until then watching them run in and out with the waves and laugh.

The older three with there boogie boards and for a change got to be kids 17 and18 yr old kids but kids none the less. It was great to watch Carl as group of girls walked by and then to hear he got knocked over by a wave because he wasto busy looking at them. Of course Dominic luck held true poor thing his board strap broke . That is something that has yer to fail for him that and his fishing poles.

Then as I watched my daughter I realized how much she had grown. Standing in the water looking like some surfer girl from 60's movie. She is constantly being described as charming and sometimes I see what others see and one day her inner and outer beauty will be blinding.

Then there are those rare moments when you see your husband truly laugh and smile. Spending the day at the beach was a good idea..

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Surplus a new name for unemployed

So my job has announced that they will gladly give severance pay to anyone who wants to leave now. (hoping the old heads take the money and run) but if enough of them don't well then we will layoff from bottom up.. low seniority watch out. This is when no matter how optimistic you are you find yourself trying to figure out who has less seniority than you and how close you are to getting that weekly check that won't cover shit...

I find and am concerned about my self but not as much as I am concerned about others. What a blessing it would be to win the lottery. enough to live on and maybe save someones job by leaving. If I had the money and it would save someones job I knew I would do it in a heart beat.

looks like I need to play the lotto for a while or at least till this is over....

today life sucks......

NorthWest River Park Hike

On my day off my daughter and I went hiking at Northwest. She is my hiking partner and it allows quality mother daughter time. She is great company but the downside is the fact that at 40 a 10yr old can run you damn near to death which she was working on when we head back to the car. Definitely going to have to work on pacing the hike.

There are only 3 hiking only trails Indian Creek, Otter and Wood Duck of the three is the longest at 2.5 miles. Together all three make a 5 mile hike. The trail it self has as many tree roots sticking up as it does trees so the right footwear is a must.
There are plenty of trees to see on the trails as well as fallen ones not much as far as scenery goes until you reach the end of Indian Creek Trail. A beautiful view of the lake with it's glass like appearance.

It makes the trip worth it to see as well as hear the dragon fly's buzz around your head and land at your feet. My daughter enjoyed that the most because of the jeweled colors they come in.

This a good trail to start on when you are a hiking beginner just don't be over 5'5 because the trails don't seem to be used much and the idea if getting a spider web in the face is just freaky.

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busy busy busy

Well, its been busy here or maybe at least in my mind. Just really been lazy or I think I have anyway. Had a lot of emotion to work threw and now that I have a happy ending there I need to get back on track. Time to make a schedule and stick to it.. Lord this will be fun I am sure..

Girls Night Out

Another girls night out and we had a blast. Went to Diesels and new country and Rock Bar. Just want to say Congrats to the newlywed couple we met and thanks for a fun night to the older gentleman who was kind enough to get us drinks most of the night. Here are a few pictures..


Anna ( Hubbys work wife) and me of course PJ on the bull and then me .



Yes black people do crazy stuff like ride the bull at country bars or
maybe its just us.......

Moving to the next lvl

Well on 17th my daughter moved from being a 5th grader to 6th. Of the two graduations this month in my family I am glad to have at least made this one. It was wonderful to see her walk across the stage and take her certificate. I had to laugh at her regal exit as she left the stage as she put me in mind of Audry Hepburn. I of course recorded it. take a gander at my Princess..

Next up My Twins

First Landing State Park

First Landing State Park

This was the first stop on my tour of the state and wildlife parks. Mind you after this trip I realized it will take me a while to go threw the local parks. There are several trails to wander about.

The trail we take today is from the 64th st entranceto the boat dock or the Narrows.. This is part of the 6mi Cape Henry Trail. For a map so you can better see look here FLSP Map.

Note: This is not a trail where you should take kids under 7 unless they like to walk, you like to carry them or you have the Uber ATV of strollers.

So here we go..

Set out of the house around 10am and got to the park 1030ish. Went to the 64th st entrance to the park and let the needed parties know I was going in. DH threaten to have me chipped with GPS if I did not set my Google maps to auto update my location. Once I was on the trail I realized two things, 1. it had been along time since my last vist and 2. there had been changes to the area just from the impact of the weather.

Trees had fallen over and where being held up by the sheer mass of the other trees. The water was still that gross murky black that it had been from the time the first settlers arrived to now. It was fall the first time I came here and most of the woods had died out. Now being Spring/Summer the area was green with beauty which depending on where you where stand can be a bit unsettling.

When you have memories of the land being dry and baren the streams don't seem to come so close to the trails but once they green up you realize just how close the edge really is. Moving along the trail the lake peaks threw the trees and eventual you get to various areas where you can see it as a whole. This is the view from my favorite spot on the lake by bench. The bench sits so high up that my legs dangle like a little kids in a grown up chair.

As you move threw the woods sometimes you find things that make you wonder what folks where doing here or what may have happened. It struck me odd to see this with the rule of the park being "Take only Pictures Leave Only Footprints" Moving along you come to a area where the Ospray sometimes nest and the view is awe inspiring tho a bit creepy.



The lake that you first encounter when you enter runs all the way to the bay. Of course the whole are is not the park. Across the water are homes of more well to do per say. If you are wondering how well to do this should give you a idea.

Growing up we have all heard that moss gross on the north side of the tree. I am here to confirm it is a bold face lie. Or at least it is here. Just as you get to the cool Helo there you begin to see traces of moss on one side of the trees. Dont be fooled because as you travel threw what I call the "Moss Jungle" you will see where it has taken over.



This is the section of the trail my kids stopped and looked at me like I had lost my mind. ( they where 7 and 8 at the time) I assured them it was ok and we moved along. what made it so funny is one son wanted to touch the moss and I said fine. Now mind you I had impressed upon them the don't disturb nature rule. My 7yr old reachs up to touch it and a peice falls to the ground. The look on his face and the insuing reaction trying to get it back in the tree where Mastercard worthy.

To say the least I laughed the whole way thru this area untill of course I decided to head off the main trail.. Yeah about that... Wandering off the main trail is not exactly wise when you have a sense heading of say of 0. Which sad to say is what mine is close to. I did have enough sense ( and hearing) to know what side the water was on and where the road was but not much more.

Even with that I had a blast following it untill I got to the part where it ran along an embankment with a 5ft drop, which is not so bad considering I am 5'3. The problem was all the fallen trees and branches I would have hit if I had slipped. But on ward I go... The problem was not going up the trail it was comming back.


I got part way back up the trail when I relized that there was another one that broke of the one I was on and I had not seen in on the way in. Which way to go Which way to go . Fortune for me I am a extremly visual person and I was able to pick the right path but as I stood there I had to laugh at a news story about a lost but local family in First landing.

Getting back on the trail you keep going untill you come to a parking area for the small beach that is located there. Futher up you find another trail and a set of stairs that lead you to what is called the Narrows. If you keep going you finally come to the boat ramp.

Making it to the end of this portion of the trail I decided to walk back via the road as to impead any erges to wander off on a trail. Of course half way back what do I find but the Osprey /Long run trails. (never been on that one) temped to take a detour my need for the port a potty proved to be far greater. so that trail will have to wait till next time.

You can check out the rest of the pictures in the slide show up top.

Lesson Learned

1. Spray OFF (bug repellent) all over your exposed skin not in spots.seems they can find the spots you missed.
2. Locks are a wonderful thing. The can be used like the hair fans used in Africa to keep the mosques off your face. ( like in Coming to America or Charlies Angels)
3. Never joke about the family that got lost in First landing and had to be rescued by helicopter. It could happen (kinda)
4. Go Potty at both ends of the trail
5. Listen to Ted aka teddy bear when he says take a walking stick to check the bushes before you step.

Cooking With Herbs

A few weeks ago I started a small garden with basil, lemon thyme and a few other herbs as well as tomatoes, beans and egg plant.



Well today I had a ton of meat to cook up that I pulled from the deep freeze and with one I took cut up chicken, small potatoes of various types, celery, diced tomatoes , fresh lemon thyme, basil and oregano.

Wow is all I can say. This is the first time I have gotten fresh off the vine herbs and cooked with them and to say it tasted great is a understatement.



of course now I am hooked on the fresh herbs for cooking.

Twitter Comments from Family

These are the tweets he sent as I left for my first park adventure:

@Avanili Be safe and fix phone so we can find the body please.

While @Avanili gets to traipse around in the real woods pretending to be a level 37 Draenei Shaman-whachamacallit, the rest of us work.

Staycation Day 1

Well, today I am officially on vacation from work. It maybe only for a week but I plan on making the most of it. I don't mind traveling but I am just not in the mood for the planing and packing and all the kissy face stuff comes from visiting family nor do I want to do the Hey I am a tourist thing.

So this time I am staying home and Hitting the local sites. Its a shame to live here and have not seen what they offer the tourist. it like living 3hrs from DC and never going to the the Smithsonian. Wait that's us ok then something else to add to my list.

I will be hitting the parks as well as working on my blogs and homework and housework (yuk). I was bouncing threw some links and found the blog called Stiletto Diaries. Mind you if you follow the link be for warned it may not be what you expect but then again maybe it will. If Missionary is the only position you are into this is not the site for you. I was looking threw her site and attached myself to the idea of posting a list of things I want to do before I die, Her Bucket List

Looking thru there are many things that I had already done and taken for granted or maybe not relized that it was something other wish to do. So I will be adding a list to this blog and we will see where it goes.

Snuck out this morning with DH and got IHOP and Starbucks coffee walked around the shopping mall hit home depot and back home to relax and clean steam cleaning the twins room is oh so much fun.

The coming home part was funny cause we snuck in the office door and watched the kids go out the front looking for us. Then watch as they made rounds from the front to the back and then inside where we scared the piss out of them. It's the small things that makes life fun. ( evil grin)

Slowing Down

Today was one of the most relaxing days I have had in a very long time. It all started as I posted earlier with me stopping at Starbucks and sitting still long enough to realize I had not actually relaxed and just let go in a very long time. The wave of relief that fell from me from just sitting down for a few minutes was unbelievable.

Once my daughter was back at school I had all types of busy need to do plans I did not want to go home form Starbucks so I decided to adventure as my husband calls it. I am sure there are time and will be again in the future that neither he nor other people who care for me are thrilled with my walking off into the trails of the national parks and wildlife refuges.

Today turned out to be one of natural and spiritual blessings and some pretty funny moments as well..
So I played hooky from my constant rush and headed out to Back Bay. Well it helps if you first remember what road you have to turn down them of course that good old green moo la it real handy. Who knew you had to pay to get in during tourist season. ( Duh)





OK, so all the way back to the little food mart I go to the only ATM for miles and I do mean miles. show a tourist how to use her credit card at the ATM ( go figure) nice lady though and then off back to the way I came.

On the way back I make a pit stop at the Little Island Beach/Park for an hour and a half. Then off to Back Bay Wildlife Refuge. If you want to read about those to then head over to my story blog and check it out. lol it will be to long to post here anyway.





After that I headed home stopped at this great roadside veggie/fruit stand and got some green tomatoes, cherries and plums. I also got my favorite flowers. Sunflowers remind me of the Movie Under the Tuscan Sun and has become my reminder of the fact that you get the things you ask for sometimes you just have to wait . Anyway headed home and hit Trader Joe's with DH and then home to make him some Fried Green Tomatoes.

Went for a walk and then got adopted by a duckling who would not stop following me. DH had to chase him off so he would not follow me across the street. I laughed so hard and trying to out run a duck and then watch him chase it off and run from it did not make it any better. Needless to say we had to find a different way home.




Then we sat in the back yard and watched the heat lighting in the clouds and drank Starbucks not a bad day.


So today turned out to be one of the best days off I have ever had.. Oh did I tell you my vacations starts next week. I already know what I am gonna do. I will visit the wildlife parks in my area and blog my adventure. If you want to know how many we have the total is around ( looking up how many) uhh, never mind the number well just take the ride..

See you on the trails.....

Sitting still

Well I had written a post earlier today but it has disappeared. It was about how I had been on the move so much that I had forgotten what it really meant to slow down and be still for a bit. It was 1130 and I felt as though I had a million things to do in one day and it seemed over whelming to me. I decided on the spur of the moment to just sit down and eat my yogurt and drink my coffee for a change. All this inspired by the lady sitting down eating and relaxing on my way in. Little does she know she spawned a day that was much needed and will be greatly remembered....Will tell you about my day on my next post..

Gross Knowledge

Ran across this on Wiki while looking up info on the terrain theory EWWWWWWWWWWWW Dysentery Bedouin treatment be damned

Homework ?

Well I had long forgotten what it was like going to school and it being self paced you would thing it was easier. Not, I have to find the time and them make myself read and take notes. The funny thing is I glanced over the test questions no biggie I got this. Ha.. yeah went back reread highlight and then took notes. oh and Projects .. Huh

Yeah forgot what it was like to have to think. I don't mean like the normal stuff but to really deep down kind of thinking. What is your philosophy of... OH yeah that kind of thinking I have not done in a while. Yeah this is going to be some real work here. New territory new knowledge ...new Thinking..

Did I mention my Spelling will have to improve..

Starting Herbal School

Well the other day I posted on my ND blog about being excited about school but bummed because I and not heard from them yet. Just got my Letter so I am once again stoked as hell. If you want to keep up with what I learn check out the link to it..

The Changing Years

Well it seems with my last few cycles I have noticed changes of maybe they have just become more apparent to me. Of seems that the years before I hit menopause are upon me and they seem at the moment a bit unsettling to say the least .

The guys are by now freaking out about gross girl stuff but if you spouse or significat other is 35 or older you might want to get in the know. The knowledge you gain will help her and you ease the stress of these years. Once I am done reading the review will be posted on out of print blog

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Long Weekend

Enjoyed Monday and off was somewhat relaxing. Broke in the new grill and came up with a new rub for my chicken now I just have to write down what I put in it. Had a flat tire just outside of Starbucks and had the spare put on and O dark thirty in the evening. To top that all off Daughter got her spacers bright and early in the am. Bad idea to stay up late, and good old Kramer tire cost me $98 to get a tire changed and put on. that is just Tuesday morning.. well off to work.

Weekend OMG

So I for got the post the pick of the pig picking flier and due to the fact that I lost it in the heap of papers I take with me everywhere. Will get another and post it. they do it every weekend so More time to check it out.

My oldest son mowed the lawn this weekend and to his dismay and mind ran over 2 baby rabbits. to say he was devastated is not even close. what makes it so bad is he hit the first one then I came and checked the grass that was left saw nothing went back up front after assuring him none was there and not 5min later I hear "MOM, I hit another one. that was the end of grass cutting for him this weekend.

Dad finishes up the yard and we get a new grill (yeah Walmart) come home set it and realize we don't have chairs or table for out guest family.. Sigh back to Walmart we will go. Oh Well


Have a Great and Safe Holiday Weekend

You Know Your in the South When

I had noticed a few weeks ago a sign about a pig picking which at the time struck me as funny because my DH once told me when his mom would pull up in folks driveway she would comment about is this the place selling the pigs get a no and drive off.

Well you know your in the south when your local family gas station/carwash has a Pig Picking ok Saturday. That's right a Whole Hog Roast. Well being some what observant Jew the pig eating thing not gonna fly with me but I have heard the regulars tell them how glad they are that they decided to do it again this year .

When I stop for gas or what ever they know me by face if not my name buy again in the south manners are usually parmount.

So those of you on the Hampton Roads area check it out and tell me what you think. Here is a pick of the flyer.

Yeah I am going to check it out before work.

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Good News

Of all days on Mothers Day I found out she had surgery for Breast cancer and had her breast removed. Yesterday I found out that my Aunt is cancer free. In other good news Tovias is doing well and hopped up on Vicadin. He is truly having a House moment...

Oh Yeah I have started my studies for Master Herbalist check out the link on the side..

Take care off to work..

My Cats think I am Crazy

This morning was frustrating to say the least. piss poor communications leading to papers not being filled out and missed surgery date. Of course when you call to be told this is the first time this has ever happened before is just the icing on the cake. So to bring myself down from the edge of a just discovered cliff I passed back and forth. I Just knew it would take for ever for me to calm down but as I paced I looked over and watch as both my cats sat on the carpet and watched as I went on my repetitive route through the house.

I had to laugh as there heads followed me and then they would look at each other as if to say great she's finally lost it who is gonna feed us now...Watching them and of course a Venti Soy Chai for Starbucks I was good in no time...

So now I guess I will Finish my house work before work and read the news to see what I can See See See (sorry childhood flash back)

Grownup and Nightmares

Nightmares are often things that you tell your children won't come true. You comfort them and send them on there way or stroke there heads and kiss them to sooth the fear and the last resort is letting them crawl in bed with you. Now being the eclectic parent that I am I went and bought Dream Catchers for my children. Don't laugh all 5 of my kids have had them and maybe one has had a nightmare. but I digress...

Often we remember our childhood horrors as silly. The giant dinosaur who pick up your house (with out breaking it mind you) and ate who ever ran from it (no I have never done drugs).

Of course not all of our nightmares where as silly as that. We have those that carry over from real fears like our parents death. But What about When your suppose to be a grownup. What about your nightmares then.

Waking this morning with a deep aching fear and fresh images of a trip gone very bad is how I started my day. It may have been on a "Bad Dream" but the physical pain I felt at the core of my body was not. Knowing that I was not in bed alone and that if I told him what was wrong all the would do or say would not ease the pain and tension I was feeling. A hunter in a tree , people dying, those you thought got away laying on the ground scared to move. The details I remember are still quit clear. I was not afraid of dying because death is inevitable and without it there would be not room for others nor would there be emotional growth so death I don't fear because it is a necessity. Now how I die is entirely different.

Pain is not high on my list of ways to go but in that situation not knowing if you are next, or who is next is even less pleasing. int the dream when we all hit the ground I was the only one who could see the hunter. I watched as the men close to moved to cover me and a middle age women who turns out to be the hunters sister move them away to keep me alive and by doing so may have put herself on his kill list. The whole this is happening I fell the conflict of who is next, the anxiety of others dying trying to save me and being the only one who can see him and feeling helpless to save them but needing to try.

What woke me up I don't know but the emotions from that conflict came with me back to reality and that is what no amount of comfort could ease for me. It wasn't the death or the dying that bothered me it was.... What would I choose... That is the grownup nightmare

Primal Screams

It's not been often in my life where a situation,action or moment has made what seems like a primal scream from deep in my soul come forth so much so that my body shakes from the sound.

The first time I was in 8th grade and had final become part of the regular crowd, not the one they picked on. There was a new girl who had locks long before they became the in thing and bad acne to the point some bled. On one of the many days we went past her and comments where made and I laughed along seemed no different than any other but this time I looked her in the eyes and saw her pain and felt it like my own. Then the scream came and I stop in my steps and relized what I was becoming. I chose a different path in life that day.

I know there was another time but as of my writing this I can not remember clearly what it was.

That same scream came again yesterday bit this it was because of something a good friend told me that I shall not repeat. His words did not sink in right away. I had to read it again and as my eyes passed over his words it came.

For the life of me I could not grasp the words let alone the intent behind them. Normally I would just listen but I could not hold my peace and spoke my mind. I know I am being vague but I won't break confidence buy I have come to realize mind games let alone with the intention to hurt is my greatest pet peeve and that word does not even begin to cover the magnitude of how that makes me feel.

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Bookstores

I have been in love with books from the time I escaped my 8th grade hell into the world of Dune*. I don't remember any bookstores at home in buffalo ,well maybe one but, it was nothing like walking into Barnes &Nobles my first time.
The first time I walked into the Berkley B&N, I was blown away by the water fountain in the middle of the store. The atmosphere was warm and inviting.
Every Saturday I was not on the ship I would ride the train down get hot coco and a fresh bagels at my favorite bagel shop, Then spend the day reading. When I ended up on the East Coast I missed that feeling of B&N when I went into a bookstore. Then I found one on Virginia Beach Blvd.
Over the 10 years here some of the staff have become like family. There are a few others in the area but each B&N is different. If I don't get that feeling I won't go back. We have moved to what I call the ass end of Va Beach, a wrong turn can end you up in Pongo or Sandbridge. Well there is only Borders and Books a Million there. It's now a 20min drive to my B&N. I still go but not as often as I once did.
I am usually disappointed when I go to a bookstore and they lack that feeling of welcome but one day when I was entirely to early for work and dropped in the new B&N in Hampton where the coliseum mall use to be I get that welcoming feeling. I know have a place close to work to call my 2nd home.
(at least one beside work)

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My Favorite Bars

Well tonight I am at Kegans. One of my all time favorite bars from Town center. They opened one close to home thank G-d. It has been a place for me to go when I have felt alone and need company. It's nice to go to a place where they know you when you wall in. Yes just like cheers. Of course being one of the few black people at the bar on a regular helps. Tonight for the first time I am watching UFC fight. Adding that to the list of things I can talk to the guys at work about Sunday.

Well needless to say there are all types of people in the bar. I was sitting next to a older couple who could not understand the need for the level of violence in the UFC they preferred baseball or some other sport. I could could deal with that. nice people. What made me crazy was the A typical gaggle of college age maybe a bit older of women next to me.

I have never been one for the giggle girl fluff converstions. Now not to say There have not been fine ass men I did not drool over but for the love of G-d himself not like them. They where with there boyfriends but they all sat by me and the guys at a table watching the fight.

I got to hear about how they would pay 1million dollars to sleep with some movie star and how she had her Bloody Marys at 8am . giggle giggle ( Ugg) Then I hear look they are all over there they dodnt care... I looked over to see the guys ingrossed in the fight and back at them as they went into the girly foo foo mode and I wanted hurl, so I went home.

I have come to relized that I have more guy tendencis than I thought. I don't see the reasoning behind what some or most women think or do and find some of it a waste of energy. Hmmm the guys at my job don't ask me what I think from a womens point of view much anymore cause my answer is not typical.. I have been Labled the Rare Unicoren by the guys I nwowrk with maybe I am...

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Yoga and mind

Well, week one and three classes later the whole mind aspect of yoga begins to show. Ok it was the second class that I started thinking what the hell am I doing . Standing in Proud warrior 2 after several minutes of various pose my body struggles to stay balanced and move into triangle.

Now mined you this is only my second claw but in my head there is a conversation with myself that amazes and appalls me.

This is the mind part where you sit and say this can't be done, what am I doing, well if I don't do this part won't hurt so much. This is the part of your mind that is against change. The part that wishes and at time yields to the pain and self doubt.

Then there is the other voice that reasons this is only your second class and it will feel uncomfortable till your body learns to bend and change.

These are the arguments that play in my head throughout class as I give on and leave to get air. Others are in the hall for air but there. Reasoning is far different. For them it's because the Hot Yoga class seems hotter than usual, but for me I gave in to the doubt.

The air was cool and refreshing and yes it was honestly well needed but once back in class I wish I had never left.

That was a Wednesday Tuesday we go again. New week new conversation.

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Passover and eww

Well with Passover well on the way I thought I would reflect on one of my grosser experiences. Kosher for Passover ground turkey, thinking that like regular beef I can just add seasoning matzo meal and eggs make some burgers walls dinner. Yeah about that, what I got was a bowl of sticky pink goo. Suddenly I felt like my daughter when she first touched raw chicken, totally grossed out. I mean some idea that it would turn into that would have been nice but maybe it was because all the fillers where taken out for the holiday. I hope that's what it was really I do. The burgers turned out ok but I will have to try after Passover and see what happens will let you know .

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Yoga

I have recently decide to take up yoga with the idea that it would be good for me health wise. Having read about all the mind, body and soul stuff I figured can' t hurt. So expect to see updates on the wall should be interesting.

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