Grownup and Nightmares

Nightmares are often things that you tell your children won't come true. You comfort them and send them on there way or stroke there heads and kiss them to sooth the fear and the last resort is letting them crawl in bed with you. Now being the eclectic parent that I am I went and bought Dream Catchers for my children. Don't laugh all 5 of my kids have had them and maybe one has had a nightmare. but I digress...

Often we remember our childhood horrors as silly. The giant dinosaur who pick up your house (with out breaking it mind you) and ate who ever ran from it (no I have never done drugs).

Of course not all of our nightmares where as silly as that. We have those that carry over from real fears like our parents death. But What about When your suppose to be a grownup. What about your nightmares then.

Waking this morning with a deep aching fear and fresh images of a trip gone very bad is how I started my day. It may have been on a "Bad Dream" but the physical pain I felt at the core of my body was not. Knowing that I was not in bed alone and that if I told him what was wrong all the would do or say would not ease the pain and tension I was feeling. A hunter in a tree , people dying, those you thought got away laying on the ground scared to move. The details I remember are still quit clear. I was not afraid of dying because death is inevitable and without it there would be not room for others nor would there be emotional growth so death I don't fear because it is a necessity. Now how I die is entirely different.

Pain is not high on my list of ways to go but in that situation not knowing if you are next, or who is next is even less pleasing. int the dream when we all hit the ground I was the only one who could see the hunter. I watched as the men close to moved to cover me and a middle age women who turns out to be the hunters sister move them away to keep me alive and by doing so may have put herself on his kill list. The whole this is happening I fell the conflict of who is next, the anxiety of others dying trying to save me and being the only one who can see him and feeling helpless to save them but needing to try.

What woke me up I don't know but the emotions from that conflict came with me back to reality and that is what no amount of comfort could ease for me. It wasn't the death or the dying that bothered me it was.... What would I choose... That is the grownup nightmare