Stress, Talk & Tears and 40

"Stress it's a killer" Bartock from Disney's Anastasia once said. Of course so have many doctors and having felt the vice grip and ice pick headaches as well as my increased vertigo you would think I would manage my stress better. Not so much

I am the person who cared for everyone and fails to let them know when limits have been reached. I keep things inside and don't talk about what bothers me till I am about to snap or become ill, by then I need to dig down and figure our what is wrong, to find the source as well as a release.

Tears, I have for a very long time felt that tears are a sign of weakness a crack on the proverbial armor. I have despised the water that leaks from my eyes and fought to not let emotion control me. Because of this for others to see me in tears was a warning of impending doom or great concern.

You may be wondering what being 40 and tears have have to do with stress and why talking is so important

The stress in my life come from various fronts. life goes through cycles of endings and beginnings, a point which at 40 I found myself and now at 43 continue to watch unfold but with different eyes and wisdom. I was exposed to a myriad of emotions that I had not encountered before, you know the ones you get when in youth sorrow from heartache, envy, jealousy and the list goes on. In my youth I was always happy for others never wanted or needed much at much at all. But when I look at my life then and now I see that my emotions were dulled. I felt but I didn't , I loved but I didn't.

it's only been on my very late 30's and 40's that I have truly begun to feel to not just discover but to create who I am and with that comes the tears of facing past choices and changing my path. I have learned that crying is not some horrible weakness but a blessing of release. Tears are a needed renewal to cleanse a long fester wound or put you on the path to acceptance or get you to a place where you can finally talk.

Talking is something I have long been able to do but never about what bothered me or how I truly feel. I have yet to master this and with some it seems an impossible task. I am able to talk to some about how I feel more freely but even with assurances it is still a difficult task or maybe more a challenge but at least. I am working on it.

At 40 I am learning to live and love it for all that each cycle brings. I once spoke to a girlfriend in her 50's about this and said it seems I am a late bloomer. she smiled at me and said " all the times before are building blocks to get you to this point. To get you to this place with these people. I'd say your blooming is right on time". I don't see her often but I do know our paths have crossed for a reason which I hope continues to be a blessing to us both.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]