So it begins

The month of review has begun lookin back over the year and hopes for the new ones. getting my hiking boots ready for new adventures on new and possiblly harder trails. laying the map out to set a course and see where it leads and what detours come along the way.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

Tarot and December

The time is coming when I take a look back over the year and see what I have done and what needs to be changed and shed of.

Wheel of Fortune and Death   (Click title for meaning)
Tarot cards are viewed by some as a bad thing by others as a teller of fortunes and the future be is written in stone or ever changing and adjusted by the choices we make.  The best and to me most accurate of what they do is take all the  things you already know and have taken in but because of the "glasses" we choose to look threw can not see and put them in concrete form. A form that is harder to ignore and when you think about it is all we have really done be it intentional or not.

I have read for myself and others for me, always making sure that it was a new person who knew nothing about me though there where/ are two I go back to on occasion and there have been times I did not like what I heard. I did not like it cause it sometimes was a truth  or a possibility I chose to ignore smacking me upside. In the head. In the past year there have been common factors coming up, I see them and acknowledge but still choose to ignore them.  I usually ask a question but this time I asked  what did they have to tell me. no question just put it out there.

As always that one thing I had ignored for so long came up.  You can not move forward with out clearing away old problems or issues... That is what I had ignored all this time and I knew it. Since my Birthday last year when I decided to let go of the things that no longer served a purpose or was good for me I have moved past most of my fears and some that are not really fears but hesitations.

What has this got to do with December? Not much except for:

Decisions

A year ago I was at a breaking point and decided ( there is that word again) that I would clean off all that was old and draining energy from me this year and I would figure out what it was and be done with it.  I  made a cleansing scrub which was a start because I felt some stress and negativity wash away. My locs where below my shoulder and  had been cut before freeing me of old ways that hung on but this time I  went and knew exactly where  the old still hung on and had it cut  to my chin. All that was old was gone and nothing but  new growth was left.  A hair cut may seem like nothing to most but when like me you can look and see each event and struggle pain and pleasure in the lengths of your locs  and see them as more spiritual than style and looks it means a great deal.

I have adjusted and made changes in my life over the past year. I've looked in the mirror and seem my negative, positives, insecurities and strengths and  have learned to make peace with many of them. Some still vex me but it is how we learn if we choose to learn at all.  I have found a closer spiritual relationship with the creator. I have been told by friends they have seen me grow over the year and I am beginning to blossom and grow.

Now I have come to choices  I have ignored and put off. Things I know must be done in order for me to continue growing. December  when I look back and close out the year will not be easy but it will be the beginning to the next phase of my life......

Frustration

Disappointment should be the exception not the rule... seems it has been the rule for sometime.... wish today was exception for me...


Well see what December holds

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

Imagined Path

If you have followed my blog you know I enjoy taking pictures and up untill recently had a blog to show them. It has come time to consolidate a few blogs so I can keep up to date and not negelicet them. So here is the new home for my photos. You are free to use them as long as proper credit is given and a link back is posted.

Long Time no Hike

It has been a few months from my last hike... end of June to be exact and I have several others I have yet to post about so In the next few weeks expect some updates and Hopefully I will start hiking again...I do miss it...

Wapsi Square Project

I am proud to say that I am now part of the Wapsi Girl Project...  From the page

"Welcome to the Wapsi Girl Project. Shortly after Monica, Wapsi Square’s protagonist, won the 2009 Lulu Award for Best Female Character, I’ve decided to bring back the fan centered Wapsi Girl Project.  Every contributor to this project has volunteered to give their insight to answer the question, “What is a Wapsi Girl?”, and some have gone further to relate this description in how they view themselves or who they strive to become. My hopes is that this project will be a journey of self discovery for all who contribute to these pages and a source of inspiration for those who read them.  Think you can be a Wapsi Girl?  You probably right!  Click HERE to find out how!

Checkout the  Comic and the Project and  read about the other great women I have joined..

Today was a Good Day

Today turned out to be very relaxing. I  went to Hampton to  have lunch with  my friend Beth. She had come done to my the beach a few times so it seemed only fair that I  go to her side and  yes lord we are on the far ends of the seven cites from each other. I work up there and wanted to  checkout the  new Peninsula center. We sat under the gazebo on a Sunday morning  and caught up on what had been going on, walk around the  plaza and  decided to  eat at the new CinaBistro holy cow its nice. Anyway we caught a movie and some food and i tried this new eyebrow place called wink.. never getting my eyebrows waxed again I tell you.... all and all it was a good day. no pressure, no rush, no stress, no men or kids. just the girls. It's not often I find women I can hang out with and like.

Next sat we meet up to go the bistro and  see Eat,Pray,Love and then I am off for the next few days to do the same thing. well at least 2 out of 3 the love part will have to wait....so I guess it's more eat, pray, think, plan and  then come home and do.....

Redwing Park & Home in the Eyes of a 6yr old

Kung Fu Panda and Lynxx Academy

Kung Fu Panda is what my daughters pet name from her father. She go got it when she started taking Muay Thai or Thai Boxing as its also called. Well a few days ago my Panda got her Yellow Belt. I am nothing short of glowing at my daughters achivement and  now her renewed excitement.. I have had may guys at work say how beautiful she is and it will be funny when someone mistakes her for her looks and ends on the ground.
 She goes to  Lynxx Academy and enjoys it greatly....

If you are wondering why her dad calls her Kung Fu Panda its cause she black and white and does martial arts... yeah he's a fool like that and a proud one...

True Pleasures

Pleasures have often been things that brought a person eminse joy. I'm talking about sex, food, video games, comics, travel you name it. We have all found pleasure in one of those areas and some of us in many.  what is do I find pleasureable is a question I have never before thought to ask myself. It really never dawned on me until I started reading Eat, Pray, Love. I realized I enjoy many things but to just truly take pleasure in them had escaped me. How  could a person so open to new things and  the  world around her possible miss out on knowing what pleasured her and was pleasing. When had I really esperienced it or hell at this stage in the game had I ever. Had I found pleasure in any of the area I just spoke of.. I had to think, look back over my life and wonder. Thankfuly I did not have to do this for long.


My first real pleasure was not sex or even food it was Freedom. Well duh you live in America of course. I hate to blindside yall but even here we are not really free.not the freedom I am talking about. While I was in the navy stationed on board the U.S.S. Flint is where I had that pleasure..

we where out to sea and hauling but to someplace I can't remember now but we where going fast enough  with or against the wind that you could feel it push against you. Now what made me do what I did I have no idea. I leaned in against the wind and I just let go. There I was relying on the wind to hold me knowing full well we could turn at any minute and I would bust my ass. I laughed with such joy and pleasure that the people  on the level below the signal bridge looked up to see what was going on.

 As the wind held me I had no fear, no preconceived notions, no worries nothing I was free and floating on the wind like the birds I often now admire..That monent has hung  with me and gave me the greatest pleasure and  the best way I can describe it is  well hell I can't but the one thing that comes close is the music from the song Clocks by Cold Play the first time I heard that song it brought to mind that day. yeah that songs on my Touch.

others are a black bug with a red X on its back no clue what it was but my first born at age five insisted we had to watch it cross the road. I was rushing and going to miss the bus but he would not move. I gave in and watched. He taught me the Pleasure of slowing down to see the amazement in all thing even those as small as a bug.

I have spent many morning before work walking around and going to Barnes and Nobles but there have been two morning I had that where just sheer bliss. I went to pick up my Glamor Shots  yeah  I got some sweet pics from there. Anyway that morning I got a Black and white Frappalate from Coffe Beanery in Patrick Henery Mall.

I had one before and loved it but that morning I could feel the  whip cream and taste the choclatete  as I licked it off my finger and dam was it good I mean decadent good. On top of getting pretzal bits and a cool new neclace made of blown glass and sahaped like a snake I felt like I was walking on air.

Before those moments snuck up on me and slipped away now I look forward to fully experiencing each and everyone and I  Do.

Freedom Park

This is a park in Williamsburg, Virgina its a bit out of the way if you live in Virgina Beach but  to see what the homes of  freed slaves looked like is and eye opener and and a reminder to be grateful for what space you have..   These Enjoy what follows

The Lightfoot House

                                                                           

The Brown Home

   

                                                                             

The Jackson Home

 

Stress, Talk & Tears and 40

"Stress it's a killer" Bartock from Disney's Anastasia once said. Of course so have many doctors and having felt the vice grip and ice pick headaches as well as my increased vertigo you would think I would manage my stress better. Not so much

I am the person who cared for everyone and fails to let them know when limits have been reached. I keep things inside and don't talk about what bothers me till I am about to snap or become ill, by then I need to dig down and figure our what is wrong, to find the source as well as a release.

Tears, I have for a very long time felt that tears are a sign of weakness a crack on the proverbial armor. I have despised the water that leaks from my eyes and fought to not let emotion control me. Because of this for others to see me in tears was a warning of impending doom or great concern.

You may be wondering what being 40 and tears have have to do with stress and why talking is so important

The stress in my life come from various fronts. life goes through cycles of endings and beginnings, a point which at 40 I found myself and now at 43 continue to watch unfold but with different eyes and wisdom. I was exposed to a myriad of emotions that I had not encountered before, you know the ones you get when in youth sorrow from heartache, envy, jealousy and the list goes on. In my youth I was always happy for others never wanted or needed much at much at all. But when I look at my life then and now I see that my emotions were dulled. I felt but I didn't , I loved but I didn't.

it's only been on my very late 30's and 40's that I have truly begun to feel to not just discover but to create who I am and with that comes the tears of facing past choices and changing my path. I have learned that crying is not some horrible weakness but a blessing of release. Tears are a needed renewal to cleanse a long fester wound or put you on the path to acceptance or get you to a place where you can finally talk.

Talking is something I have long been able to do but never about what bothered me or how I truly feel. I have yet to master this and with some it seems an impossible task. I am able to talk to some about how I feel more freely but even with assurances it is still a difficult task or maybe more a challenge but at least. I am working on it.

At 40 I am learning to live and love it for all that each cycle brings. I once spoke to a girlfriend in her 50's about this and said it seems I am a late bloomer. she smiled at me and said " all the times before are building blocks to get you to this point. To get you to this place with these people. I'd say your blooming is right on time". I don't see her often but I do know our paths have crossed for a reason which I hope continues to be a blessing to us both.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

Blog Changes

This as you can tell is my photo blog and it has gone threw several changes in the past few months as well as not  many post. I have several pictures that I will be uploading as the weeks to come. Before I would just put up a picture and where it  was taken. I will be putting at least a line or two about each picture and if you see one that you would like  then let me know.  I may eventually put paypal on here and  lock my photos to keep them from being download as well.. we will have to see.. anyway enjoy the images of the many paths I wonder on be it urban, country woods or home.....

Comfort Foods

Comfort foods... hump I use to think and maybe then I was right that I really had none. Now as I  look back I realize I have three foods I fall back on depending on just how stress or upset I am. now mind you  must not fall back on them often as I have just found out I lost ten pounds but I digress... I have not put them in the order of which i go to for the worst times first.  No water Chai tea Latte from Starbucks,  Cookies  and milk. and Maple Walnut ice cream from Handels ice cream.

Now the fact that  Found my comfort food purly by accident may sound silly but it was. I  was at one of my high stress times when it seemed that everything was about to cave in and  I went to the store and got a Chai. Now i normally drink this on a regular basis so me getting one is nothing new but the first drink i took  I felt my body just let go of the stress. It was a combanation of the  warmth of the milk and  the smell of the spices and the taste as it went down.  I enjoyed that chai more than any other I have had and I tell you it has become my drink ofchoice for those  times when stress is pushig me of the edge.  and yes I know they use a mix and a syrup...

Cookies and milk of course I came to relize was my destressor from work and  some personal crap i am working thru. and Handles Ice cream well that for a time when I just need a release and to be taken back to my childhood where it was plentful. here in the south I have only found my maple walnut at Handles.


Man I could go for some cookies and milk right now.. yeah its that kind of day....

Family vacation

It's has been a long time since my family gas gone someplace to just be.  It's great to watch as they swim in a river for the first time  (James river)  and a lake for the first time.  It's good to have seen my oh so moody 18yr old smile and laugh.  I got some really nice photos that I will share soon and stories of our hike. Untill  then have a good holiday..

Summer time

Well summer is fast approaching and the kids will be out of school soon. The new questions becomes what to do with them. Being the adventure loving mother I am I have successfully poured the love of hiking into my twins so now they want to go hiking  to the places they see on my book Hiking the Blue ridge ..  I made have created a monster. Planning on the  DC  free Stuff   ie  zoo, Smithsonian and such  and water park and bush garden maybe. will let you know how that goes.   Already planning a  great time with my daughter at the Southeast w omens Herbal conference in October so  as they say let the games begin..

Daughter and Chours

My Daughter has been Chours for a few weeks so far and her father has shuttled her from one practice to another and listen to her the first event they had. I unfortunately had to work that night and the best I could do was to leave here a card and  a flower balloon telling her how proud I was of her  for following a dream. Tonight I finally get to hear her sing and  beam with pride and joy as my  special girl sings her heart out.. These are the times when motherhood's blessings out weigh the frustrations...

Fathers and Music

Many years ago when my son was born my then husband walked into the waiting room to see Silent Lucidy playing on the tv. I had long said that I lived that song and for it to be playing then ment that much more. Silent Lucidy became my oldest boys song later as he grew a little unwell was add to his list. When it comes on we both laugh because of how it became his.

My second son was harder there was distance between us due to the navy and then as he grew our relasionaip was not the best but one day I heard Natlie Cole do the duet with her father Unforgetabe and that became his song. My daughter's is Hope You Dance and my twins well it's Upside Down from Curious George theovie,that was there favorite show and how they dance and bounce when it comes on.

i never really though about the music my father listen to till I was in my car listening to jazz one day. I laughed at the memories of him trying to instill in me the importance of the music and the beauty. I would tell him that " I'm not listen to that". now of course I enjoy listening to it. What triggered this post was a steve wonder song " Isn't she lovely" my dad would say that was my song and sometimes sing it to me. which of course is why my children now have songs and this dawned on me after I heard Stevie on the radio .

Thanks Dad

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

Weekends

Well, This was a great weekend for me got to hangout  with my  girl out in the boonies and  had great weather both days did some gardening and  now prepping to be the Fairy Queen and a Ren fair where she lives...I like doing new and different things. refreshes the soul.. maybe I will get in a little WoW who knows

Calenders and puzzle Pieces

The end of March and beginning of April has come and gone several times with the hectic cleaning for Passover, the pranks of April fools, chocolate Easter Bunnies and the never ending special labels that each month holds from breast cancer to lord knows what. And let's not forget the most important thing Birthdays.

Why is this year different from all other years? This year April 1st is not just April fool's and April does not have just another awareness title attached. This year April's Autism Awareness month matters to me because I now have a piece of the puzzle. A happy hug giving, look you in the eye and determined piece of it. Looking at him you would never know but the quirky signs are there. He has Aspergers. A word I thought I would never learn to spell. Everyone says I am fortunate because it could be much worse. I am fortunate because we live in a school district that has the need support for Autism, fortunate because his teachers worked before his diagnosis to help him and that a living women at childcare saw the signs cause she had just gone through testing for her child.


I started studying to become a herbalist and wholistic health. My son started school and the process for being diagnosed. The beginning March brought final word of his Aspergers. We suspected that is what it was but hearing the final word felt different. Looking for books I found several, I looked at the cover of one and ignored it even with the little girl on the cover being so precious. I picked a few  books but this one book seemed to call to  me so I got it on a whim.The first one I read pissed me off because it had a hard list of what they don't do and my son did those things. Then I read I read Children with high functioning Autism and it sounded more like my son. Mrs. Hughes-Lynch speaks of more than just high functioning Autism but also of the  Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) which Aspergers also falls under.

She spoke of a Poem  called Welcome to Holland that compared Italy to the normal child and  Holland to the learning disabled child. She used while Switzerland to describe  the place where you where a little of both and fit fully into neither.

It gave me some relief and at times tears. Tears not of pity but of knowing I was not alone and that Switerland may be confusing as hell with no map to follow except the one you make it still has some breath taking sights. she referenced a poem called The Special Mother by Erma Bombeck that made me smile the day I sat looking out a window in tears.

After reading the poem and thinking of all of my children with there ADHD/ODD and now Aspergers I realized I had been in Switzerland the whole time. I had weathered storms and seen beauty from a different angle all the long and that for me this was just another unmapped router that I was now better equipped for with experience and age.

Some people say Autism needs to be cured others say accept me for my differences cause they make me who I am. I think we need to find what is causing or trigger Autism but, I also think we need to not be so blind in our fears and pain that we miss beautiful spots we pass on the journey. No matter how hard it maybe there are always those spots where you stop  and look out at the  horizon and stand in aww of its beauty.

Sometimes it's Holland and Switzerland that remind us how precious and beautiful even  the smallest things in life can be.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

New Month

Welcome April a new month will all sorts of possiblity. Take the time to learn something everyday even on your worst day. Enjoy the spring and nature as it renews itself. 

Web Comics Reality

Well many years ago this guy I know  called Tovias  decided to follow his dream ( about damn time) and began the road to becoming a cartoonist. He is still working on it but getting better everyday and  has potential to be great at it. He has a  site called Reality Amuck which  sums of life in a nutshell. He will be at his first Con called Intervention in September so check out his site and support the starving bastard will ya..

New Month

Well it's now March and I am a bit behind on my posting but I have not forgotten you if anyone is reading this. I started my Master Herbalist course and where I may have though the other would be easy and not take long ( I was wrong on the long part) I have  ventured into doing two courses at once. No biggie till all the books rolled in so, with that said I may post here once or twice a month and more regular on my Natural Health blog..  We will see.. in the mean time I will publish some older post I should have long ago made that I just held on to..

Life and Hair

I have always associated the times and phases in my life either my locks. I would say that it was a reminder of what I have been through and came out on the other end maybe not smelling like roses but made it. This month has sucked in ways I could not imagine for me, so this morning as I headed out I took a detour. I went to the place where my sons get there haircut and had five inches cut off. my second haircut in 10 years or so. The first time I cut about 3 inches off and this time 5 inches. My hair is now above my shoulders and it feels like I have shed several years off of me. There was once a point when I need those reminders that I could make it, but at some point they become a hindrance.

Sometimes you have to let go of the past in order to move forward. It's time to start letting go....

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

sScreama

This month sucks ass

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

Kid Friendly

Nolan Trail
   Easy to follow Trails Takes
Newport News Park
   Easy to follow Trails well marked
First Landing
  Easy to follow trail, Pay attention to signs Keep kids  from going of path 
  Depending on route you choose will decide childs age

Distance

Nolan Trail  5 Miles

Merchant Mill Pond

Lassiter Trail 7 Miles walk from Parking 1-2 Miles

First landing

Nice Hair

 

I saw this duck and Elvis came to mind

Writing week

Let the writing begin... All next week I will taking every spare moment to write write write... I belong to a group called Book in a week.  I found them in the Writers Digest and  since joining have enjoyed the challenge but alas I took a great bit of time off and this week will be my first time back in a long time.. So from Monday to Sunday I will be letting my creative juices flow and spelling be damned.. Ha now that's funny, 10 pages 250 words a page in  7 days. Will let you know how it went wish me luck...

Snow Day

Well for a change  the weather man got it right. and  we had 5 inches of snow earlier today. The kids  where up at 7am and it was so funny to hear their reaction " Mommy you have a billion snowflakes covering your garden." I am sure you guessed that was my 5 yr old. then a very excited  girl came down and before I knew it  folks was dressed and outside. 

They had a blast and so did I watching them and of course I could not resist when the neighbor offered me a ride down the street on the sled.. I laughed so hard and loud going down the street folks must have thought I was crazy but you know that was one of the best moments and one I can count  when I say there are times  when I have felt my freest. Not confined just free, spirit soaring like a bird above all things. That kind of free.. I was humming on the way to work in a snow storm and happy to be there, got to work for a bit and came home still humming and feeling great. G-d I love when I have moments like that and what made it even more is it was with my kids.


Not bad for a Snow Day

check out the slide show

Drinking and Blogging

Just a quick note Drinking after not eating all day and  trying to blog not a good idea. I'm just saying......

Valentine's day cards

I saw a card long ago that made me laugh. It was a I hate Valentine's day card. Sadly I have not seen them since. Over time I have seen cards that where cheeky, dam riske and gross. Sadly today I don't recall to many if any memorable ones. You know the ones you cherish for ever.

This year is no different except this year I will be sitting overnight watching over the homeless in a local program. At this moment it feels like there is no home for my heart so maybe watching over them on Vday has a purpose. I once read where a young girl said she did not beleive in coincidence. Neither do I maybe there is a pourpse to the timing of things in my life.

Maybe as the hawk or eagle that flew overhead is reminder to step back and look at the bigger picture and appreciate the details this to is what Valentines day and the homeless mean.

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

bloging life

Blogging was suppose to be a way for me to vent my feeling no matter what they where or what others may think. I have found that there have been many times when I needed to and I have not because taking others into cosideration has affected that. I fond that again I concern myself so much about others I get no relief and the facade is built yet again . Protecting others and how they are seen. Some would say that's a good thing .... I'm not so sure it maybe good for them but ... You get the picture... Then maybe you don't

[Posted with iBlogger from my iPod touch]

After the storm

Afternoon walk with Grandma

Old Still

 Blue Dragonfly

Butterfly